How you all diddling? Time is flying, huh?! Despite everyday feeling like Groundhog Day. Again another month has passed and here I am sharing May’s waffle in June.
I don’t know about you but I have little (translate as zero) faith in Boris and his cronies so despite lockdown being eased from today as a family we have decided that, for now, our day to day routine is going to stay very much the same as it has been the last 80 or so days. Fortunately for us, my husband can work from home and I can continue my duties as 1950s housewife whilst weddings are off the cards. I miss my couples and I miss working but for now I am happy keeping safe and healthy and just busying myself at home with the kids.
The month of May has mainly been spent in the garden – hasn’t the weather been lovely? – and I even managed a binge of Normal People on BBC iplayer. I thought it was brilliant, by the way – really intoxicating. BTW I see you all following Connell’s Chain on instagram. 😀
Anyway, if you thought my usual ramble chats were rambly then, boy, you are in for a treat today!
Me and my boy were watching Grayson Perry’s Art Club when I spotted my old art teacher on telly. His name is Peter Monkman and he was hands down the most inspiring teacher I had through my art education. (You should look him up – he went on to win the BP Portrait Prize – and is an ace painter.) Anyway, although I had kept in touch with him through the years I hadn’t touched base with him for a good while. Nothing like a global pandemic to put you back in touch with your favourite school day teacher!
So via instagram, we got chatting and he asked me if I was still practising (painting).
***SUCKER PUNCH TO THE GUT***
I am gutted that I no longer paint. I was really very good at it and it bought me great pleasure. You know like when you do something that makes you feel like it is what you were born to do. The thing that gives me that fire in my belly. I know lots of people may not ever find their thing but I found it mega young so why have I neglected it for so long?!
I have loads of excuses mainly around a lack of time and being too busy. Suddenly we have found ourselves not so busy, so what is stopping me? Ok I have the kids to look after but I still find time to watch an hour or so of crap on TV or (many more spare hours) dreaming up my next DIY project.
I think, if I am brutally honest with myself, it’s probably that fact that – in comparison with old me – I’ll not be very good at it. These kinda things flash through my mind – I shouldn’t even bother. I’m going to get annoyed with myself. It’s a waste of my time and it’s going to disappoint me. It’s a fear and it is bullshit.
Silly, huh?! Because I’m only doing it for me. No one has to like it, I don’t have to make my living from it. I don’t need permission from anyone to make something good or bad. And now I’ve thought about it what have I got to lose by doing it? Absolutely nothing. Or my alternative is to not do it and what will that achieve – absolutely nothing.
I must do more of what makes me happy. I find my happiness in my family and friends; being outside and drinking in some culture in galleries/ theatres/ museums; my work and I know I’ll find it again in my paintbrushes.
Do you feel the same as me about something in your life that you have let slide? Or has the isolation of lockdown just made me lose the plot?! I know my woes are common though…I just need to shut my monkey mind up and get on with it right?! And also read Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert apparently. Have you read it? My mate Mark, my videographer actually, recommended it to me and said it made him cry like a baby.
Speaking of Mark and to end this slightly dreary post on a high, here’s a film Mark and his 12 year old daughter Ki have made in lockdown. It made me laugh anyway…If you have Joe Wicks fatigue maybe try the Lockydown workout instead.
Stay safe everyone and if ever you wanna chat just slide into my insta DMs.
PS This post is illustrated by a photo of Art class 6th former me – the Britpop years…and some of my favourite days of my life thus far. 😀